you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
