Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
