Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
