Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
