Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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