How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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