dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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