I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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