My sheets look like a crime scene.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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