spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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