i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
