from now on my penis is your penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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