I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
