I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
