my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
