I wish you could order shots online.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
