It's like a parade of train wrecks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
