I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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