I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
