You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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