I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think my tv is drunk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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