Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
