what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
