when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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