I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
