I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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