Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
