Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
