Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
