last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
