Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
