She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
