Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
