I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
