I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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