I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I didn't shave. On purpose
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
