I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
