all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
