I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
