just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
