my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
