marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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