DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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