i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
