I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
