I want to have your abortion
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
