I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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