i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
