I hate all girls vehemently.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
