YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
