It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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